God Is Laughing

About eighteen months ago I remembered that I hadn’t given a tithe on either the increase of my house or my car, and when I rectified the situation, I was broke … with a house addition that was half finished. Yikes! But after a long weekend of some faith highs and some doubt lows, the Lord did indeed come through in a most amazing way, and I was able to complete the building project.

This is different. It doesn’t actually involve me this time: it’s my mother. But it also doesn’t involve something as insignificant as a building project: it’s her life. I’m not actually afraid of her dying, but I’ve nonetheless been anxious about her over the past several months. I even got to the point of half hoping she would die, because it would be a relief. Then I asked myself what I would be relieved of, and realized that all I’d be relieved of was anxiety. But I know full well I can be relieved of anxiety while she’s still alive, and that is what I want.

She was admitted to the ICU on Friday evening. I didn’t rush over there; others were there, and I’m not a good one for standing around in hospital hallways. Aside from that, the Lord had given me peace, and I actually felt energized to get some business done—which I hadn’t for far too long.

Saturday afternoon I knew I needed to go upstairs and sit at my keyboard for a while, and sing. I sang only songs I made up on the spot, but in the middle of that the Lord reminded me of His promise, given a few years ago: "There is nothing I won’t do for you, if you will wait for Me." And I remembered what it was that I really wanted, deep in my heart, for my mother: for the Lord to raise her up in a stunning display of miraculous power, so she could travel the world preaching the power of God.

Remembering my experience from eighteen months ago—when I felt the Lord was telling me to get an entertaining book to read, and leave worry to Him—I decided to go to the library and get a book.

On my way home I was singing a new verse ("There is nothing You would rather do, than come through for me") to an old song, and quite suddenly, I said, "You’re laughing! You’re laughing." Don’t ask me how I knew God was laughing, but I’m absolutely certain He was.

Eight months later … At the time, I was sure He was laughing because He was all set to shock everyone with Mom’s amazing recovery, but in fact she died three days later. For a while I was very confused: hadn’t He assured me there was nothing He wouldn’t do for me?

But maybe what I thought I wanted for my mother was really what I wanted for me.

Now, I’m laughing with Him.

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