Dishonest Pain

Six or seven years ago, perhaps, back when the Lord was first teaching me to be honest about what was going on inside of me—not just the external honesty that is so much more common—I had a very enlightening experience that involved my brother. He called one day and asked if I was busy. I said "no," (a lie) and so he asked me if I would pick up a big tool for him, at his shop, and deliver it to him at a job-site almost an hour away. I said sure, and set aside the important things that were on my agenda, in order to accommodate him. It took most of the day, because it was a heavy tool, and I didn’t know where all the pieces were, and I wound up being exhausted and unable to get any of my work done.

He didn’t wind up using the tool until the next day.

At the time, I was quite angry with him, until the Lord showed me that it wasn’t his fault for asking; it was my fault for lying about my schedule. I’d been trying to be nice, but niceness, I learned then, never truly takes the place of honesty. Truth can hurt, but it never hurts as much as a lie does, in the long run. Some incidents that came to the surface about six months ago probably happened around that same time, and they involved someone else, who wasn’t being honest with me about her schedule. She told me that I had hurt her terribly, and the primary cause was that I hadn’t respected her time. When she told me about this (via mail) I at least had enough gumption to not take responsibility for her pain, but I apparently didn’t deal with it firmly enough in my own mind, until this morning.

This morning I realized that the incidents with this woman were in fact no different than the incident that took place with my brother. Unless the Lord has specifically instructed you to not ask for something, it is never, that I know of, wrong to ask for something that you need—or that you think you need, or even that you merely want! In fact, it is entirely proper and healthy for each of us to be in tune with our needs and desires, and to take the responsibility to express them, in the form of requests to appropriate persons.

What is wrong is when we say yes to a request, or perhaps simply fail to say no, when we really do not want to give what is wanted, or when we are not able to give what is wanted. This woman felt real pain, and it caused real long-term problems, but my actions weren’t the cause: her own dishonesty with me was.

The next time someone asks you for something that you don’t want to give, think about this well, before you say yes.

You’ll be glad you did.

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