Giving Grace

I’m not quite sure how this happens. We know (or, at least, I hope you do) that God gives us grace. In this scenario, I’m using "grace" in the sense of, He doesn’t demand absolute perfection every moment, or hold a club over our heads in an attempt to improve our performance. He is aware of the weakness of our frame, and He is entirely okay with it. After all, it is the weakness of our frame that causes us to need Him, so He would have defeated His own purpose if He had made us strong.

But although I know that God gives me grace, I am equally aware that not all people do. Some people give a quite a lot, some people little, and some, it seems, none at all. The very worst thing about this situation that is bothering me is that it’s an old one. Not that the parties involved have changed, that I can tell: I am still not perfect, and as far as I can see, the other party still does not give grace. (This makes for an interesting observation. When we change to be able to give grace in the present, it goes a long way toward covering the past with grace, as well. I wouldn’t be struggling with this issue if the other party was giving grace now for current events.)

So here I am, buried under an incredible pile of guilt and shame. I don’t get even the most remote impression that any of this is coming from the Lord; I know I don’t have to be perfect for Him. I know He loves me as I am and that it is His love that will heal me and enable me to do what He put me here on earth to do. But … but … but there is this person. And what is more, when I look at the situation rationally, I know that there is nothing I could do to resolve the situation, because I am still weak and flawed, and nothing but perfection would be sufficient—and, even so, how can one go back and perfect a flawed past? Is it even appropriate to apologize for being human?

The danger here is that this guilt and shame is weighing me down to the point that I am not fully functional. That is bad.

So now I have to ask myself a big question. Is this another aspect of being a people pleaser? Oh, I’ve learned to not go around doing things just to please people. But isn’t it the same thing, if I’m making myself (at least mentally) busy attempting to appease the past? I don’t want restoration of relationship, quite frankly; it’s not a relationship I want. My only real interest is to be rid of the guilt.

But this brings us back to square one. Isn’t trying to get rid of guilt the whole basis of the Levitical law? And wasn’t Jesus’ sacrifice sufficient?

Isn’t it?

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