Three Cheers For Boundaries

I am still not quite sure how it started. I do know that the doorbell rang at 8:30 AM and woke me from a sound sleep. True, I wouldn’t have been still asleep at that hour if I hadn’t been up too late most nights during the past week, but, nonetheless, it happened. Five construction workers from two different companies were at my door, and they were in and out, making noise and cold drafts and eliminating any possibility of privacy, until about 5 PM. In addition to that, a bookkeeping client showed up around 9 or 10 AM, unexpectedly, while I was finishing my little facial cleansing routine, and took another fifteen or twenty minutes of my time. Then an expected client came around 11:30, just as I was eating my breakfast (while attempting to finish a quote for another client), and stayed until about 3, which I had expected. By that time my cleaning lady had the housekeeping well underway, and I worked with her until my new fitness coach showed up at 4:30. I think it was 6:30 before I had a minute to myself.

Most of you who are mothers are probably laughing, and wondering what is so remarkable about that, since you don’t get a moment to yourself … ever. In fact, you may well have given up on the very idea of having a moment to yourself. I have not given up on the idea, though, and I will tell you why.

I noticed that I was strongly resistant to the idea of doing some unnecessary work. Now, I’m not a fan of unnecessary work, but on a “normal” day, I’d just shrug my shoulders and say, “They’re paying for it; I’ve told them it’s not necessary, so if they still want it, I’ll send them the bill.” In addition, when my mother, via phone, suggested that I must work best under pressure, since I keep getting it, I felt flat-out ANGRY. I didn’t throw a tantrum or anything, but anger is the only word to describe what I felt.

So was it being awakened from a sound sleep by a doorbell? Was it having no time to myself (I think I was carrying on a two-way radio conversation even while I was getting dressed)? Was it the more challenging work-out my fitness coach pushed me through? It was probably a combination of those and more, but the bottom line is that I don’t like the way I felt, and I am not going to settle for that. I’m designing my addition so that I can have time and space for me even after I’m married, but if I don’t set some firm boundaries, I won’t live to take advantage of that!

I can’t change the demands, and I can’t change the people who make the demands. But I can decide what I will and won’t do, and when.

And when I catch myself being this cranky, I realize how valuable boundaries really are.

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