Not So Obvious

For some time, I have been convinced that it is important that we know what we want and/or need. That may sound self-centered to you, but I beg to differ. For one thing, we know that God "desires truth in the inner parts," and for another, how can we "ask and receive, that your joy may be full" if we don't know what we want and therefore what to ask for?

A month or so ago, the Lord opened a few passages to me, and I became even more convinced that one of the secrets to a smashing-good marriage is that a woman, particularly, be able to accurately identify and clearly communicate her needs and/or wants.

I thought I was convinced. Maybe not. Or maybe I just needed a good example with which to convince someone else. At any rate, today was my day.

We are coming up on that time of year that is, for me, the best of times and the worst of times. The best, because I really do have a blast doing tax returns. The worst, because between the sun deprivation that is standard procedure in northern Ohio in the winter, and the intensity of my schedule that results from adding tax returns on top of everything else that normally goes on in my life, it's usually all I can do-and sometimes more than I can do-to not have a breakdown. Last December wasn't too bad, but this year I have four more bookkeeping clients than I did a year ago, and I'm a little bit behind already. And I'm on the verge of freaking out.

And then . my mom discovered that she is scheduled to go in for surgery on the day that she had previously made a commitment, and asked me if I would fulfill the commitment for her. I said yes. Two hours isn't the end of the world, right? Surely I can afford two hours.

So I bawled my eyes out for maybe an hour, and told the Lord that this was too much, and I couldn't do this, and I needed help, and I just couldn't do this, and He had to help me. Meanwhile, in the back of my mind was the knowledge that even if someone showed up on my doorstep, wanting to help me, there was almost nothing they could do.

I didn't know what I really needed.

I sat on my couch in the dark and stared out the window for at least fifteen minutes-after I'd finished having my fit-before I understood that what I really needed was to sit down with one particular friend and talk. Not for the purpose of resolving disagreements, but for the purpose of making myself more known. Unfortunately, I was so convinced I would be rejected that I was avoiding such a conversation and was already living in rejection.

If the "obvious" solution isn't making you happy, maybe it's because the "obvious" isn't what you need.

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